just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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