the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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