Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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