is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
