im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
