I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You dont lie about slip and slides
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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