i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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