The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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