you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
