Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My feet surprised me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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