i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
