I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
