So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He did a backflip because drugs
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