I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
