i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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