i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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