I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
