Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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