We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
