I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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