You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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