we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She bit a glass in half.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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