Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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