Are we in a gay sports bar?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
