from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
