They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
