I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
