Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
