FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
