You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
