Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My pussy is not your playground.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
PANTIES FOUND
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