I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
