wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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