I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
