just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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