this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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