i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Operation Purity has been aborted
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
