I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
