I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You are a genius and a whore.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
