Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
