Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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