I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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