Duck Duck Cougar?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
