my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
