I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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