So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
