is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
