she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
