I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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