So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
